


maine, 1861

by valvet



Category: Moby Dick - Herman Melville
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort/Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, its at the end so don't worry lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:00:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24964879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valvet/pseuds/valvet
Summary: in a world where Ahab turned back and him and Starbuck live together away from society, albeit it still seems to follow.
Relationships: Captain Ahab/Starbuck (Moby Dick)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	maine, 1861

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes you gotta pretend canon doesn't exist.

**S** tarbuck was knowledgeable in many things, he knew that dearly, religious texts, theology, and public speaking, but his Ahab as well. Once they had taken up residences within the lonely coast of Maine; away from the Pequod, away from the damned business that he knew startled Ahab ever so much, a frenzy of rage he’d go into every time a whale was even mentioned. He had become even more antiquated to him, one the boat of course he knew him well; but now he saw him in the realest sense, what made him calm and without any flames in his eyes.

They had decided to go out to the beach that day--more of a rocky coastline than anything else, no people for miles and miles; society barren away; them and only them. Ahab seemed in a good mood once they arrived, he had decided to actually brush his beard that day, full and proud, and albeit his scar was most of his face, he was a handsome man, Starbuck’s man. 

“Pity we have no ownership here” he mumbled to himself, Starbuck tilted his head.

“We do, technically, no landlords exist out here, everything is fair game” Then, something lit up in Ahab’s eyes that was a rare occurrence to see, hope; a smile on his face as he pressed his burly fingers against Starbuck’s, a squeeze of love, and thus he returned it, albeit he was much more weaker than his, not by much though.

“Mr--Starbuck” He corrected himself, even not on a boat he did prefer his formalities, “do you enjoy here? This isolation we’ve put himself to? Ahab, oh he enjoys it very much; but you're a man of the people arent you? To serve others and the community! Wouldn't this, the lack of people, hurt you?” Starbuck chuckled, guiding Ahab to a decently sized rock from which they decided to sit on. 

“You, Ahab, I serve to make you happy beyond else, to show you compassion and kindness, i do enjoy to help others but--” He put a hand to Ahab’s harden shoulders, which relaxed from his touch and his touch alone, “I desire to help you and heal you more than any other man or women” Ahab’s face softened, and took Starbuck’s hand to his lips, kissing it softly; from which, Starbuck immediately melted into it. 

“A good man, Starbuck is, hm? Better steward than any other man I'd ever want” his kiss moved up, even if Starbuck had a long sleeved shirt, Ahab wasted no time to kiss on top of it; Starbuck let out a soft laugh.

“I believe you are the best man i, a steward to you and lover could ask for” Starbuck took advantage of Ahab’s moment of temporary stuntmen; he always seemed to be taken off guard by affection and kissed his hand in return. “My lovely Ahab” at that he let out a strangled noise through his teeth, and Starbuck knew what he needed, Ahab was never the type to wear love-sleeved clothes nowadays, so getting to his wrists was easy enough, and he kissed them once again. 

“You are quite pretty, Ahab, skin that has seen so much and veins that contain knowledge of all varieties” a deep laugh came from above him.

“Is Starbuck a poet now? Don’t make me laugh” Starbuck sighed and looked up at his lover, he looked like heaven--this was God must've been talking about paradise on earth. 

“I speak only the truth, Ahab; a man crafted by a well made sculptor you are, heart and all” it wasn't hard per say to flatter him, but it was quite difficult for him to believe the words he spoke nowadays. “I adore every inch of you, every scar and muscle, let me in and adore yourself as well”

Silence, but only for a moment, then Starbuck noticed where Ahab was now looking; all the way out at sea; his eyes slightly glazed over with brimstone; Starbuck acted quick on his feet though.

“Look at me” He stated with his best first mate voice that he still had, Ahab snapped his head around, Starbuck took a deep breath in (may God forgive him), and kissed him on the mouth; holding Ahab’s face in both of his hands as he did so; he didn't expect the force coming back at him though; Ahab’s hands becoming rough against him as he bite Starbuck’s tongue; it wasn't made out of hatred, but probably excitement. He pulled back, and Starbuck found his lips bleeding; Ahab’s eyes widened.

“Shit” he murmured, already pulling out a handkerchief, “i apologize Mr. Starbuck i..” Ahab’s voice came out croaked, Starbuck let out a knowing sigh and let Ahab wipe his blood away.

“It is alright, i have no hard feelings i--understand it” Ahab let out a saddening noise, a wounded animal would make. 

“Do not understand it, I am a beast of a man! Nay--Ahab is no man, he is a vicious beast who cares naught about the man he loves” The spiraling was ever so obvious, he had seen it many times from Ahab; but never of the depressed variety; it was either anger or disappointment at another person that he saw. Starbuck felt his body slightly shake at him embracing Ahab; a deeply sad man he was; isn't it only natural that a man would want to help another man out of a deep hole of despair? 

“I don't believe that” he murmured into the wrapped edges of Ahab’s neck, he could just feel his heartbeat through his clothes. “Empathy and love is something you have in stride, you are simply angry, not at me, but at you--it's only understandable that you are to feel that way, but i hope, that by living--loving you even that you are to heal” heal isn't the best word perhaps, guide would be better; Starbuck knew that healing had certain connotations, fix him of his issues, he knew now that idea was certainly non existence, the best he could do was guide Ahab to better ways of expression, comforting him and loving him. 

He could feel the shuddering of Ahab, his harsh fingers grasping at Starbucks clothes, not out of violence, it was crying; silent sobs of his own thoughts. Starbuck let out a gentle hum, the best thing he could do to calm him was to use his parental knowledge of how children worked. 

“I adore you, you know that don’t you Ahab?” His nod was obvious.

“Ahab cannot stop seeing it--it hurts, the flames of hell are covering me” Ahab said through gritted teeth, Starbuck was now in a death-grip; not that he minded.

“I’m not leaving, please breathe” thus he did, it was a harsh one, but he was at least still living. They stayed there for a moment like that, Starbuck didn't care how long, until he was alright, he wasn't to leave, that’s what a good first mate--lover does. 

Once Ahab broke away, it was ever so obvious he was crying, eyes red and lashes wet; his face one of death and beholding of his own past. Starbuck put a hand to his face

“Are you alright now?”  He let out a noise from his throat

“I..no, but I'm’ better than i was before--you are something, Starbuck, any other man would have called me many names but you? It seems you care more than any doctor i’ve ever met, a kindred soul, Mr. Starbuck is soft to the touch but rough when need be,” Ahab took the chance to kiss him, it felt like he was being carved open, but with kind hands; gentle stabbing of his own emotions.

No man would know, except for those two what happened next, hot tears on each other's open skin, not out of misery--just pure blooded emotions; loving hands on each other and the groans of both of them combining into one, at least then Starbuck could understand the pain he suffered from; the violent thoughts and sobs of knowing; all combined with getting to make love to his Ahab; God to never see what was to happen under quiet mouths; for he only hears, not sees.


End file.
